I love getting mail!
A really good scenario is meandering down my scenic lane to the mailbox and finding that heavy ecru envelope from London, but, it’s more likely to be me trying to open my jammed postal box that is located with 300 others in my building’s lobby. But no matter — the possibilities are there! Granted, social email isn’t quite as fun, but I would certainly much rather see an Evite than something that I have to send to ten friends if I want my wish to come true.
So, assuming that the possibilities became promises, do the old RSVP rules (yes, there are rules) apply? Everyone I know thinks email is the most efficient, not to mention good for the environment. And is there really a situation where I have to write — in longhand — my own response? Really? Really?
It’s so interesting that these questions still come up. The good news is, if you are asking the questions, then you are being invited to fabulous affairs, thus no room for complaints. We gathered a few of the more common questions and have given you the simple (and common sense) answers. Remember, someone is being kind enough to include you in their celebration or event. If you don’t want to go, then say no – no explanation is needed. But no matter what, it is your responsibility to respond.
Do I have to write or call to respond, or can I just send an email?
The etiquette experts at The Emily Post Institute put this rule simply: “Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.” The RSVP line on the invitation gives you a lot of clues. If there is a phone number only, you need to pick up the phone. If it gives an email address, you send an email. If there is a response card, send the card; most response cards are simple – you fill in the blanks. Remember, this is not about you, but about the hostess. Maybe she shares her email address with her husband, or maybe her email is for work, etc. Don’t email unless she gives you her email address on the RSVP line. If it’s an Evite — do not ignore it! The host or hostess needs to plan.
“The favor of a reply is requested by June 16, 2011.” But wait, there’s no card in here with blanks to fill in. What do I do with this? As long as I reply by June 16, I can email, right?
Ahhhhh. The formal response is alive and well. And no, whipping out your blackberry is not an option. The most traditional and correct way is to write a note on your personal stationary and send it to the hostess/bride, etc. Here’s an example and it takes five minutes (if you can find your stationary and find a real stamp).
Mr and Mrs Jonathan Campbell
accept with pleasure
the kind invitation of
Mr and Mrs Parker Kennedy
for dinner
on Saturday, twenty-fifth of June
at half past seven o’clock
Do you feel ridiculous or like you are channeling your great-grandmother doing this? Well, I have seen formal response cards with, “Kimberly Badders and Michael Leidecker will be there with bells on — we can’t wait!” and officially, this works, too. Just know that the formal response does have the word “formal” in it, so the above is always appropriate. And, it feels elegant to write it, so find a good pen and enjoy it!
How long do I have to rsvp?
Respond as soon as possible, whether it is a written response or a call: a) if you don’t you may forget about it until the day before the party, b) it’s polite to respond quickly and c) it’s just good time management.
I just have to take a commercial break for a moment. If I came back from my walk down the lane and had an invitation that looked like the ones pictured here, my dilemma would be that I wouldn’t want to return the card because it is so beautiful! Many of our brides and hostesses at Abigail Kirsch rave about Ceci and her team at Ceci New York. How could you possibly NOT go to a party when receiving an invitation as exquisite as these? Okay, back to it . . . .
Can I bring a guest?
The names on the envelope are the people who are invited. If it doesn’t say, “Catherine Parker and Guest,” then Catherine is flying solo at this event. If your children’s names are not listed, then you should find a sitter. One other thought on this: if a wedding invitation is for Mr and Mrs Leroy Nicholson and your dear hubby Leroy doesn’t like weddings, do not bring a substitute. The bride and groom have created their guest list – it’s their list. Go alone and have a great time or charm Leroy into putting on a suit and smiling.
What if I have a houseguest staying with me. I can’t leave them home alone!
RSVP no and state the reason. If it works with the host’s plans, he or she will most likely tell you to bring your guest (it will help if your guest is fun).
What if says Regrets Only?
Officially, you only need to reply if you are not attending. But often, those invited don’t take this as seriously. Yes, there is a bit of risk on the hostess’s part to do it this way, but that’s her choice. If you don’t reply, THEY ARE EXPECTING YOU. Show up.
Speaking of showing up — unless it a real, true, sincere emergency, if you say you are coming, you need to be there. Being tired, not finishing your work, realizing it is the last day of a sale, hearing that there’s a great party downtown — none of these are emergencies and none are good enough excuses. Why not? Because there are no excuses for saying you will be at a party and then no showing up. There are none. Except real emergencies.
Go out — have fun — be the belle of the ball! Just make sure you let the hostess or host know what you are planning, in the way that they requested. I think I need to go plan my own party so that I can have Ceci design an invite for me!
